____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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