Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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