I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
