If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
