I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
