like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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