Don't make out with my wife yet
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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