my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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