How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
