Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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