Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
