you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
