this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
