I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
