have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize