i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
