Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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