I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
