im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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