Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
