Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
