Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
