You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
