On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize