Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
