I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
