Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
too bad you live with your parents still
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
