i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
