fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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