The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
