Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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