need another drink. this is the easiest way
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
