Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
