I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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