i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
