I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
