I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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