Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
