woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
