He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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