Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
