We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
