it's not cheating when I paid for it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
