i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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