I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
