I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
