I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
