Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
