Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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