I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
