I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ketchup is God's man juice
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
