Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
