ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dignity is for republicans.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
