Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
