he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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