You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The power of my boobs compel you
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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