a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize