my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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