I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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