I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think your dad took our porno
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
