I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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