Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
