I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
