I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
