My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
