He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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