The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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