omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Who did Billy Mays play for?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
