Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
