so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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